So, why not feed the masses.
[In absolutely no logical order whatsoever…]
6/26/2010 – I am eating lunch with a friend at The Counter in Studio City. As we sat down at our table, I took a quick glance around and realized that I was sitting directly next to Kyle Gass from Tenacious D. This is ironic because three years ago I lived in Indianapolis and decided to start a DJ company called “((( Tenacious DJs ))),” thinking that I was so far removed from Jack Black, Kyle Gass and their respective legal teams that little stink would be made about my company’s name possibly infringing on their likeness.
A few minutes after Mr. Gass vacated, the waitress brought a new pair outside onto the patio to fill the table next to my friend and me. As I glanced over my friend’s head at the new couple heading our way, I thought the man in the tandem (with his short blonde hair and thin “Color Me Badd” chinstrap beard) was Justin Timberlake. As the young man came closer I could tell that it was definitely NOT Justin. Five minutes later, my friend says “Whoa, for a second there I thought I saw Justin Timberlake, haha.” I explained that I thought the exact same thing when I saw the kid next to us. That’s when I realized that my friend was not looking at the guy next to us when she made this statement. So, I asked he who she saw that looked like Justin. She promptly pointed through the window to a table surrounded with four gentlemen…one of which actually was Justin Timberlake (by the wall, in the fedora).
Upon finishing our lunch, my friend and I stepped back inside the restaurant to make our exit. Before doing so, my friend wanted to use the restroom. I used the time I was standing next to the door waiting on my friend to exit the restroom as time to sneak a pic of Justin with my phone and text it to friends of mine to whom it would matter. As soon as I hit “send” on my phone, I looked up and Justin was standing right next to me, trying to get past me and out the door.
It was startling.
He’s an impressive little man, that one. You see, as I have said before, most people in L.A. are obsessed with celebrities but vehemently deny it. While Justin was eating, everyone was stealing glances, all the while trying to act like they weren’t. But, after he walked out, everyone exhaled and chatter erupted. “Was that really him?” “That was him, wasn’t it?” It was crazy. I have never seen one person control a room with his presence alone like Justin did. That will probably be the closest I ever get to him…and I forgot to hand him my resume.
7/4/2010 – Whilst walking and chatting with a female friend on the strand at Hermosa Beach this past July 4th, I was rudely interrupted by Jo from Real Housewives of Orange County. As our parties were walking in opposite directions, she pulled away from the man she was walking with to announce to me and my friend that she loved my outfit. Now, I have had a massive physical crush on this woman since I first saw her on TV three years ago. So, seeing her made me half-hard. Having her go out of her way to talk to me sent me over the threshold to fully-erect. The fact that when she spoke to me she complimented me on my outfit…in front of my lady friend…and that she pulled away from the dude she was walking with to do so almost caused pre-emergence in my red Zara chinos.
As I have told this story to my friends in the previous weeks, Jo’s quote evolved from “I love your outfit” to “You’re sexy as f-ck” and then ultimately to “I don’t care if you have a girlfriend and I have a man, I want to fully blow you.”
I always told myself that if I ever saw Jo I would ask her out. Well, I did see her, and she approached me---to compliment me, no less---and I did nothing because I was with someone more important. Sure it would have been more salacious if I had taken her home and given her the most disappointing sex of her life that night, but for conditions to be such for that to happen it would mean I would not currently be seeing a top-notch/keeper/not-to-be-messed-with goddess. And, I have to think that I am coming out way ahead on this one. Sorry guys.
7/25/2010 – After beaching the afternoon away in Malibu with a friend, we stopped off at the Malibu Country Mart for some food. Whilst waiting on our tacos, we saw paparazzi following someone that we assumed to be important. I usually pick out celebrities pretty quickly, because I watch insane, unhealthy amounts of television. But, this time I couldn’t get a beat on the woman the paps were following. Luckily, my friend came through in the clutch and deduced that the woman in question was Victoria’s Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio. It’s probably best I didn’t know it was her (if you know what I mean).
After eating our tacos, we headed to the bathrooms. I ended up in a two-toilet bathroom (and no separating apparatuses) with Clark Gregg from “New Adventures of Old Christine.” Nice looking penis on that young man. Just kidding, it’s small. Just kidding again, I didn’t look. Just kidding, I did. Just kiddiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!
I have seen about a hundred celebrities in the two years I have lived in L.A. I will post more celeb sightings as I remember of them. Additionally, I will try to post the new sightings as they occur. But, we all know none of that is going to happen.
You’re welcome,
-The Todd
