A close call with Claire Dunphy.

The first time I saw Modern Family's Julie Bowen at the Studio City Sunday Farmer's Market, I was excited.  The second time, I realized she probably lived in Studio City.

Recently, I landed on a real estate website that listed a mother load of celebrity addresses.  Julie Bowen was on that list.  Now, if you'll remember, I recently visited George Clooney's house.  And, since I knew that Julie lived only a mile away from George, I decided to swing by Julie's house on the way home from Clooney's.  It must be stated that celebrity address websites are often out-of-date.  Thus, I was not certain if Julie Bowen even still lived at the Studio City address I had for her.

Here come he hijinks.

My g/f and I rolled by the address we had for JB.  It's a modest house with a black Toyota Prius in the driveway.  There was also a big black Cadillac Escalade parked in the driveway.  Immediately, I thought two things:

1 - She still lives in the house.

2 - She is either being picked up or dropped off by a car service right freaking now.

Due to some very thick shrubbery, the view of the house is only visible for a brief window as you pass the driveway.  Since we got a such a short look at the house, we decided to turn around at a neighboring property and do a second drive-by.  As we neared the driveway for a second run, we slowed to maximize our time in the short viewing window.  When we actually approached the opening, the Escalade was waiting at the end of the drive!  It was obvious to whomever was in the Cadillace that we were gawking.  The only question that remained was whether or not Julie Bowen was in the truck.

Did she still live at the residence?  If so, had she just been dropped off, or picked up.

Two hours later, I went home to watch Game 7 of Lakers v Nuggets.

Look who had just been dropped off for her courtside seats (presumably in a black Cadillac Escalade)...

George Clooney's House.

This past weekend, I went hiking with my girlfriend at Wilacre Park in Studio City.

One of the trails just so happens to end on George Clooney's street. To get back to our car, we just so happened to pass George Clooney's house.

I just so happened to get semi-erect.

Since President Barack Obama was on the property for a star-studded $40,000 per plate fund raiser two days prior, I was especially interested in having a look around the estate.  In doing so, I came upon another trail that runs up and behind Clooney's property.  Adamant about trying not to appear to be a sleezy photog, I kept my iPhone in my pocket...for the most part.  As we reached the end of GC's acreage, my girlfriend mentioned his satellite dish.  When I looked, I saw a small DISH NETWORK apparatus.  On sight, I admittedly lost 31% of the respect I had for the man.  The reason?  DirecTV has an exclusive contract with the NFL for NFL Sunday Ticket.  Thus, I know Clooney doesn't obsessively watch NFL football every Sunday like myself.  Then again, given the types and amounts of recreational opportunities as his disposal, watching unhealthy amounts of professional football probably seems boring (and sexless), relatively speaking.

As I walked the perimeter of the property, I was hoping I might catch George and briefly discuss the possibility of me referring him to DirecTV.  For, if he were to accept, we would both receive a $100 credit to our respective accounts.  I can't speak for him, but I could really use the money.

I also had a moderately funny discourse planned about a fake screenplay of mine I wanted him to read.

Alas, we never came face-to-beautiful-face.

As I walked away from George's house (I call him "George"), I started to think about the very thorough tour he gave to CBS' "Person to Person" back in February.




Then, I added to that the highly-publicized fund-raiser Clooney hosted for President Obama last Thursday night.  I came up with a conspiracy theory about how he used all of the publicity to showcase the home because he plans to put it on the market this Summer.  Given how much his home has been on TV and the internet lately, he would make a Madoff.  When it goes on the market, remember that I wrote this.

[Industry note:  George Clooney's Studio City, CA home was previously owned by Stevie Nicks.  There may not be a cooler two previous owners of a home in all of the world.  Shout to Fleetwood Mac.  I still bang "Dreams" at least twice a week.]  

Clooney is one smart son-of-a-bitch that is obviously operating on a level light years away from the rest of us.  But, this is not news.


You're welcome,


_Todd


Todd is a freelance stalker from Los Angeles who lives 2.7 miles from George Clooney.