Super Bowl (Thank You Facebook).

Yesterday, I watched 7 uninterrupted hours of playoff football.

It was glorious.

And, it got me thinking.

As much as I loathe people’s addictions to their phones and how it seems to be causing increased attention deficits these days, I found that I had no issue with my girlfriend using her iPhone’s Facebook application to scroll through all of the pointless status updates on her “friends” list for the 7 consecutive hours I was parked in front of my plasma (A.K.A. “Kordell”).  For once, Facebook relinquished its position as a pesky, unrelenting blitzer in my life and instead became a lead blocker for me on this football Sunday (yes, I hate that I just wrote that…and that I’m keeping it in, even though I do not have a boss insisting I do so).

There were no questions about how much more time was left in either of the games.

There was no pleading to get out of the apartment and do something active.

Nothing but 7 solid hours of NFL action being consumed by yours truly, one of the biggest football fans in the world.

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The conclusion of the Conference Championship games in the NFL means it’s time for the Super Bowl.

Guess what?

I hate the Super Bowl.

Probably not a total shocker (considering I hate everything), but interesting in that-I am such a fan of the NFL overall-yet care not for the culmination of its season.

Every year at this time, I have to explain to a few more people how a football fanatic like me could despise the Super Bowl.

Let me lay it out…

I refuse to watch the Super Bowl for all of the same reasons people who do not watch a single game all season long want to all-of-the-sudden throw a party and watch a football game.

1 - I hate the two weeks off before the Super Bowl to do nothing but build media hype for a game that needs none.  Right around noon on the Monday following the Conference Championship games, I am ready to stab myself in an artery with my remote due to looped playback of ESPN’s “Coor’s Light Six-Pack of Questions” where two analysts I don’t care about debate who has the coaching advantage, who has the better quarterback, who has the better kicker, and other questions whose answers in no way impact the outcome of the actual game.  If Tim Hasselbeck’s opinions impacted game outcomes I might actually care what he had to say.  But, alas, his opinions do nothing other than fill time, so instead it’s more Real Housewives for me (“Team Kyle” over here).

2 – I hate that, after two weeks of dissecting the matchup, there is still a 7-hour pregame show to do the exact same thing before kickoff.

3 – I hate the commercials breaks every 14 seconds all game long.  

4 – I hate the commercials themselves.  I hate that everyone talks about the commercials while I am trying to talk about the game.  And, I hate listening to people talk about the commercials the next day at work.

5 – I hate the Britney Spears, Nelly, Aerosmith, Beyonce Spring Break halftime mash-up and fireworks extravaganza.  If it was the Teen Choice Awards, I could understand.  But, it’s the Super Bowl, so I get angry because all I want to do is watch football, but the producers of the game seem to want to show me every else except football.

6 – I hate that at the end, someone goes to Disney World.

And so, for me, football season has come to an end.  Quietly, I have bowed out and shut it down.  Another season in the annals.  I shall not pout, because frankly, I need a break.  And, before we know it I’ll be DVR-ing collegiate spring games and NFL preseason action and breaking down those game tapes.

Have fun at your Super Bowl parties-where no one has any idea what the score is all night because no one is paying attention. And FYI, your favorite commercial will probably have a talking animal or baby in it.

You’re welcome,

-The Todd