Beasley To Phoenix. T-Wolves in remission. (meaning, Michael Beasley was cancerous and has been removed)

Last season, I watched a scary amount of Minnesota Timberwolves games on #NBALeaguePass.

Don't believe me? Fine.

I watched so many T-Wolves games that I figured out that the in-game DJ/Music Director at Target Center played the same wolf howl during games that Duck Sauce sampled in their massive 2011 single, "The Big Bad Wolf."

         

Given that I am a caucasian rec league role player who wears "Stockton" shorts, keeps his jersey tucked in, and makes his free throws, it's probably not surprising that I have a hard-on for Kevin Love.  Watching Love continuously beat guys with effort and precision never gets old for me. Yelling at the tv in an attempt to get other "superstar" players to give more effort, however, does.

Ricky Rubio might be my second-favorite player in the league. The kid can pass the rock. It's wild. Every time Rubio leads the break and deals a no-look dime, I feel a jolt in my swoon unit.

Suffice = As soon as the T-Wolves update their logo (or revert to the old one), I will own 2 T-Wolves jerseys.

The worst part of watching Wolves games last year was Michael Beasley. I hate him. I hate his name. I hate that his nickname is "B-Easy." I hate that he refuses to defend. I hate that indifferent look he always has on his face. I hate ALL of his haircuts. I hate his tattoos. I even hate the handful of times he will come in off the bench and drop 30. He is a cancer. The only thing I wanted more than a uniform re-design was for them trade Beasley. If any team should ever "amnesty" Michael Beasley, I demand they say that they "chemo'd" him.

After the "Beasley to Phoenix" news dropped July 4th, it appeared the Minnesota Timberwolves were finally in remission. Though I have been scouring the internet, I haven't seen any official articles confirming Beasley's signature has dried on any Phoenix Suns paperwork. So, I'm still nervous.

After removing Michael Beasley, Minny went right back out and dropped another free agency bomb when they dragged Brandon Roy out of retirement and brought him to the tundra of 10,000 lakes. I don't even care if Roy doesn't play well. Shit, I don't care if he retires again after three games. Regardless, he is one of the most likable guys in the league and, in my opnion, has made the T-Wolves the NBA's most likable team (except for their location, logo, and location...and their logo). That said, the cold weather should help keep the swelling in Roy's knees down.

All of that and I haven't even mentioned the Nick Batum offer sheet.

Mark it down right now Minnesota, I'm watching all 82 next season.

The Wolves could go 0-82 and I'd look at you like, "This shit gravy." But, that won't happen, because they're going to the playoffs.



You're welcome,

_Todd



["Swoon Unit (c)" is the property of, and was not used with permission from, Digable Planets.]

NBA Finals 2012: Haircuts and Consequences

Tonight is Game 5 of the 2012 NBA Finals. But, who can forget what we just saw in Game 4?

Russell Westbrook put up Shaq numbers. LeBron gave us damn near a triple-double. The Thunder eventually came up short in the "final" seconds of an instant classic.

Even with all of that, the best part for me was Norris Cole's haircut. It currently resides somewhere on the border of two different school districts: "box cut" and "high-top fade." Either way, I feel like if he doesn't do something soon, his mother may send him to live with his auntie and uncle in Bel-Air. My question is, are the veterans hazing him, or did he cut his hair that way of his own free will?  Regardless of who is to blame, he and his teammates need to be aware of the historical significance at play here.  Pictures and video from every NBA Finals gets replayed at nauseum during the months following the series.  Sometimes (Game 4 from this year, for instance), the games are replayed in their entirety on ESPN Classic or NBA TV.  Then, each year around NBA Finals time, we revisit crazy games and anniversaries from the past.  I am not so sure Norris Cole is aware that he is etching that haircut in stone for eternity.

The other problem is, at a glance, we can generally ballpark the year a game took place, based on the hairstyles, sneakers, and trouser lengths of the players.  Norris Cole has sent that straight to East Hell.  In 30 years, someone is going to see the 2012 NBA Finals and think it was the 1992 NBA Finals, because they won't realize Norris Cole's haircut was meant to be ironic (or as part of a cruel rookie hazing program).

I feel like at some point tonight, Norris is going to catch an alley-oop pass from Bobby Hurley and dunk it to give Duke an early 7-1 lead over Kansas in the 1991 NCAA Championship.


          




You're Welcome,


_Todd