Audio Muffin #8

After a 3-day trip to Nevada, I’m back on Audio Muffin today.

http://tinyurl.com/yjqgx72

Trust me; you’ll be glad you did.

You’re welcome,

-The Todd

  

Southern Californication?

Wednesday:  While watching tv in my office at work, I notice “Superbad” is playing on FX, but I somehow end up watching “Friends With Money” on Lifetime instead. 

Thursday:  I’m at work with my office tv muted, but tuned to TBS to keep me company.  In the middle of my shift, I take a look up and notice that “Sex and the City” is on.  And, just by seeing Carrie’s haircut I am able to deduce that it is a rerun from the season where she dated “Burger.”

Friday:  The algebra here suggests that I will spend Friday at work making an excessive amount of phone calls to my mother to discuss petty social minutia - and planning a bachelorette party for a sorority sister.

Should I call in sick today?  Will it even matter?  Would I simply be delaying what will inevitably arise Monday?

I do not know what any of this means, but I do find these events to be cause for concern. 

I will be using this upcoming weekend to take a long, hard look at myself and ask some really tough questions.

I realize that I typically write “You’re welcome” in this space, but today I’m not so sure you are,

- Unnerved in North Hollywood

Cover Letter 2010.

If this topic looks familiar, it is probably because you read the OG last year.

So, a few days ago another close friend of mine asked me to re-work her cover letter, which I was happy to do.  But, before I could think of anything serious that a normal person might actually forward to a potential employer, I had to purge my brain of what it really wanted to say by making my own 2010 cover letter.

Please feel free to use any part of my cover letter for your own gain.  In this economic climate, it is the least I can do for you.

Oh, and if anyone else has a funny cover letter they would like to share, send it over and I will post the bitch up like my name was LeBron.

---------------------- - ----------------------------------------------

Dear Sir Or Madam:

So you’re the one. 

The one who has me up all night using the “Synonym” tool in Microsoft Word looking up better, more intelligent-sounding words to substitute in for my already above-average vocabulary.  I hope you enjoy what you see, because I worked on it for days.

Well Human Resources person, I am also “the one.” 

I am the one who is the impossibly perfect fit for the open position at your firm.  The efficiency fanatic with the obsessive work-ethic that is also honest and trustworthy.  The one that comes off “friendly” to co-workers in a way that allows him to demand optimal performance from everyone around him while not seeming even the slightest bit demanding.  The one you wish would just appear so you could hire him and spare yourself the next month of reading underwhelming resume after underwhelming resume and scheduling pointless interview after pointless interview.  Well, today is the day you put those resumes in the recycle bin, because you are about to hire me.

You’re not going to believe this, but I am also “young guy older employees fear is coming in with his able body and tech-savvy knowhow to take their jobs.”  Yep, I am him too.  I will not apologize for unintentionally growing up in the “Tech-Age,” or for having the mental and physical tenacity to run four miles every day.

As you might expect, I excel at all things pertaining to Social Media. 

I can Twitter, text, email, Facebook, YouTube and Skype with the absolute best.  If there were a “Top Gun” competition for cell phones, you could call me “Ice Man” and etch my name on the trophy before the shit even jumped off.

You want proof?

I once redirected a Southwest Airlines flight out of Minneapolis from Phoenix to Burbank by using only BlackBerry Messenger and a Lipton Green Tea (with anti-oxidants).  Not really, but you get the idea.
 

Just in case no one actually reads these resumes because you send them through a software program, I should probably add a bunch of cliché cover letter terms like:

1 - self-starter

2 – teamwork

3 - expert time-management skills

4 – skill set

5 – team player

6 – outside the box thinker

7 - Ph. D.

Should we take the next step and meet face-to-face?  I am thinking so.  You know you want to interview this.

Stoked,

- The Todd

Email = WordsByTodd@Gmail.com

Facebook = WordsByTodd

Twitter = @WordsByTodd

Blog = WordsByTodd.Blogspot.com

MySpace (Yep.  Still.) = /WordsByTodd

Cell = Do people still use phones call one another?  It doesn’t matter; don’t call me.

Audio Muffin #7

 

I'm back on Audio Muffin today.

You're gonna need two things for today's article:  1) an MP3 player and 2) a jockstrap.

Grab both and then read this---> MUFFIN


You're welcome,

-The Todd