Top 5 Racially-Insensitive Sneaker Ideas

By now, you are all probably familiar with the ADIDAS "Shackle" shoe.  Word recently surfaced that ADIDAS would cancel their release, due to an incredible amount of backlash (no pun intended).  I found them to be spectacularly offensive.  So, last week I sat in the SportieLAB, popped an Aquafina, and set off to see if I could generate any fake shoe ideas that the public might find more cringe-worthy than ADIDAS' attempt to set Black people back five decades.

[Editor's note:  All text in this article reflects only the ideas of the writer (who is a freelance hack) and not the thoughts or opinions of SportieLA.  It is all meant to be humorous.  We love everyone equally.]

Now that we got that out of the way-hold on tight, these might sting a little...


 1 - SUPRA "Sex Offender."  Imagine a Supra SkyTop III in a faint peach colorway.  Imagine each shoe's suede upper having a chunk missing to comfortably accommodate those bulky ankle monitoring devices.

 2 - Jumpman "Welfare."  A lifestyle shoe if ever there was one, the Jumpman "Welfare" is perfect for sitting around all day, rolling up blunts, talking in movie theaters, and claiming other people's kids on your taxes.  Imbedded in the toe of the shoe is a digital clock that is set 90 minutes ahead, so you're always on time.  The initial launch will be in the "Newport King" colorway.  New colorways will follow each 1st and 15th.

 3 - "Middle" Eastland.  All white Eastland Freeports.  Dark, tinted laces.  BMW insignias on the toe and heel.

 4 - K-Swiss "Kosher."  Ideal for walking to temple, being coddled by your (s)mother, filing other people's taxes, taking the L-SAT, and negotiating a cheaper price.  The sticker price has already been knocked down 60% off the suggested retail price.

 5 - Fira "Kung Fu."  The folks at Fila dropped their "L" and added a "R" for this exclusive Eastern Hemisphere release.  The Kung Fu's come with interchangeable logo inserts for each color of the martial arts belt system.  Don't even think about wearing these to hoop, the Kung Fus were specifically designed for the three most popular hobbies in Asia: Algebra, Trigonometry, and Calculus.  The lacing eyelits are thin and slanted.  I couldn't think of a funny way to incorporate karaoke or traffic school.


If you were offended, feel free to drop a comment.


You're welcome,


_Todd