Reality Blows.

This past weekend, I took a “self-enrichment” weekend. What this basically means is that I came home Friday night after work and did not leave my apartment until Monday morning when I went to work. Well, I did walk over to Panera (71 feet from my apartment) twice to get food. In addition, I took a bike ride down to the local video store to rent three movies that I have been meaning to watch for about ten years.

Two of the movies I rented, you need not concern yourselves with. The third of my three rentals was Reality Bites. Again, I have wanted to see this film for years. It is one of those films that you always have on that imaginary video store list in the back of your mind, yet somehow always seem to overlook in favor of something from the outer “New Releases” ring of the store.

(TANGENT)

I feel sorry for all of the old movies that get removed from the “New Releases” perimeter and cast out into that sea of obscurity in the middle aisles of the store. It’s got to be rough out there. How can old movies compete with that huge, eye-catching, pink, cardboard Sex and the City display that holds 100 copies of the movie when all an old movie gets is one copy of itself and one small sign above its entire section classifying it as “Drama?” I don’t even know what drama is. All I know is that the sheer sound of the word makes me not want to rent anything from the section beneath the sign bearing it.

It appears as if video stores have given up alphabetizing their middle aisles because the employees themselves don’t believe anyone is going to walk down those aisles. When I popped out of the middle of my video store with Reality Bites, everyone looked at me like I sat up out of a coffin. I thought someone was going to have to head to an off-site warehouse to get the DVD that went inside the case for my movie. Luckily, the movie was still on-site.

(END TANGENT)

For the past five years, whenever I was preparing to leave work early, I would send a company-wide email explaining my reasons for leaving. The subject line of these emails would always be “premature evacuation.” I always thought it was clever and people always replied back with emails about how funny I was (glorious).

After watching Reality Bites, where I saw a young Ethan Hawke deliver the phrase “premature evacuation” in a line of dialogue whilst speaking to Winona Ryder as she headed out the door on a date with Ben Stiller, I felt like a total fraud. I didn’t knowingly rip that line off, but it still makes me feel fraudulent. I really thought I had something.

And another thing, WHY didn’t anyone tell me about how hot Winona Ryder was circa 1993? Holy men’s Levi’s and throwback Ray Bans in the gas station scene. Unbelievable. It’s probably for the best that I didn’t know about Winona in ‘93. If I had been in the know about this, I would have probably tracked her down and done something to get myself arrested (and by “probably,” I of course mean “without any doubt”).

You’re welcome.

-Todd