"...You Can Get The Next Round."

Alright, this desperately needs to be addressed.

For years, I have been meeting up with friends to chill at bars and clubs nationwide. No matter what city or state I am in, I keep running into the same irksome situation.

First, a little information about wordsbytodd. I’m not a big drinker. I drink about once every two months. I get drunk about once every two years. Basically, I’m like your grandmother.

There are many reasons why I often do NOT partake in the drinking festivities. For one, I have a lot of fun while sober. Second, I like to drive my car and do not wish to start a DUI collection. I like to drive so I can leave if someone makes a scene and/or ruins the night, or in case I need to move to another spot, or if I need to give drunk friends a ride home, and mostly because I like to leave the party when I am ready and ensure that I sleep in my ridiculously comfortable bed. These days, my back and neck do not respond as favorably to a squeaky night’s sleep on a friend’s futon (or bunk bed).

Also receiving votes were:

1) not having a hangover

2) not falling down and ripping a hole in the knee of my pants

3) not spending $120 at the bar when I could be spending that money to buy records (or dinner for a woman that is not interested in me for anything other than free meals).

4) I am 97% less likely to crave and consume 7000 calories worth of cheese fries and strawberry shake from In-N-Out at 3:00 A.M. (ruining two weeks of workouts).

At any rate, I routinely pass on the sauce. Having only hung out with me my entire life, many of my friends still do not grasp this. Thus, more often than not, whenever my friends and I rendezvous, someone will, without asking, buy a round of drinks for the group.

Balls!

At this point, I am immediately obligated to drink (and also purchase) the same number of drinks as there are people in our faction.

(Example: If you are in a group of four people, you will receive three “free” drinks and then buy the fourth round of four---giving everyone an equal four drinks drank and paid for.)

So, to be clear, I would show up not wanting to drink AT ALL, and then my friends would do me the “favor” of making up my mind for me that I am getting inebriated + not driving home (legally anyway) + splitting a taxi fare + scrambling to find someone to take me back to get my car the next day…and that it will be costing me at least $50 to do so.

Thanks for doing me that “favor.”

Do me a real favor and buy your own alcohol. If I want something, I will buy it for myself. This way, if I want one drink, I only have to have one drink.

Why doesn’t this make sense to people?

I realize that, more often than not, people are just trying to be polite with this gesture. I realize it, and I also do not care.

Leave me out of it.

Do not EVER buy me a drink unless you are a female (that is NOT part of my entourage) and you have a dangerously low self-esteem.

You’re welcome,

-Todd