I Could Be An Actor.

“Actor,” as everyone knows, is a highly sought after and well-respected occupation. Knowing this, most people find it arrogant when I tell them that I know I could be an actor. I figure they find this arrogant because when they hear me say the word “actor” they immediately think of their favorite actor, and then when I try to throw my name into the same industry as, say Leonardo DiCaprio, it seems like I am over-estimating myself.

When I say that I know I could be an actor, I am not even thinking about being on the “A-list.” In reality, I’m not shooting for any list higher than the letter “W.”

You see, I don’t want or need to be any sort of leading man. I just want to be a working actor that makes hundreds of thousands of dollars annually for working what equates to only a couple of months. You know, one of those guys whose name you do not know, but whose face you recognize from a few scattered movies, TV shows, commercials and Jonas Brothers videos.

I am about to explain my inspirations for this blog.

Danny Masterson. – I am sure Danny is a nice guy, but I don’t think anyone would confuse him with being any sort of extraordinary acting talent. In actuality, he was doing a bunch of nothing until he was cast into the most boring/non-demanding role in what would become the hit TV show known as “That ‘70’s Show.” Masterson walked around (but most often sat on a couch) and delivered what limited dialog was written for him without changing facial expressions. And he was extra-average at doing so.

Now, he’s rich from the TV show, has a social network of rich/famous/powerful people and has parlayed all of that into restaurants and other investments that have only made him more money.

I could be him. Easily.

(I’m already a better DJ. Yes “DJ Mom Jeans,” I am talking to you. Let me know if you think you want it. But trust, you don’t. I would take you out. DJ battle threats feel a little bit like threatening someone with a dance-off, so I will stop here.).

Josh Hartnett. – Another actor that I find unimpressive. It’s people like Josh that make people like me think becoming and actor is possible, even easy. The fact that, with zero talent, he has overcome the obstacle of looking like he has Down’s Syndrome only further fuels me. His resume reads: “Blah, blah, blah, landed the “C” role in one of the worst movies ever (“Here on Earth”), fell assbackwards into “Pearl Harbor” where he was surrounded by enough action and skilled actors that no one noticed he was completely worthless, parlayed the success of “Pearl Harbor” into the backseat of “Black Hawk Down,” parlayed BHD’s success into being handed the leading role in “40 Days and 40 Nights” (where he got paid millions to tongue down Shannon Sossamon), and all of the sudden he’s considered a “leading man.”

I am pretty confident that I could have fake flown those airplanes and for real kissed Shannon Sossamon just as effectively as Josh. I’m sorry, but I could have.

Freddy Prinze, Jr. – This d-bag is the single worst actor I have ever seen in a movie that was not for a grade.

He is completely worthless.

I get embarrassed for him when I see him “acting”…and he had his own TV show for a stretch.

I am not sure if it is more embarrassing that I saw “Summer Catch” (Jessica Biel = yums) or that in the film Freddy threw a baseball like such a school girl. What I do know is that I could be as poor of an actor as he is (all while throwing a baseball like a male).

It’s not that I think I could be as good as the best (Leonardo DiCaprio)---It’s just that I know I could be as bad as the worst (Freddy Prinze, Jr.).

Is anyone going to fight me on this?

If so, it doesn’t matter because:

1) I was asking rhetorically

2) You can’t tell me nuthin’.

Points will be issued to the first five readers to name a male actor we both know I could out act. As always, list your answers in the “comment” section of the website at www.wordsbytodd.blogspot.com (standard scoring will apply).

You’re welcome,

-The Todd (Shooting for “second-to-last” since 1981)