Welcome TMZ!

Some of you might be interested to know that I received word this week that I am being considered for a job as the newest blogger over at TMZ.

I have shared some of my cover letters in the past, so I thought you kids might like to see the cover letter of mine that made its way into TMZ's hands. As always, I was shockingly inappropriate.

As you will soon read, I invited TMZ to come check your boy’s blog out before making the obvious decision to hire me. So, feel free to leave a comment that makes me look awesome. This way, TMZ can see that I have to beg my readers for feedback and affection.

TMZ, if you are reading this…”Hi!!!!!” (in a high school girl’s voice. Ashley Tisdale, maybe?)



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Hello.

My name is Todd (last name deleted for the purpose of anonymity).

You folks at TMZ are about to hire me for the new blogger position, and you are about to read why.

Ironically, I posted a blog about cover letters two weeks ago. Don’t believe me? Then suck on this link… You Should Hire This "Todd" Guy

If for some reason you did not suck on the previous link, you can spare yourself the boredom of my cover letter and resume by hitting Todd Is The Funniest Bastard To Ever Use "Times New Roman" right now to immediately find out why I am the blogger your company was hoping to hire when this job opening was posted. Otherwise, feel free to read the boring stuff below...

I am as creative, organized and nontraditional as you will find. My work ethic borders on obsessive, my writing borders on genius, and as luck would have it, I also happen to be hilarious. You really want to hire me right about now, don’t you? I know. I know.

I have attached my resume for you to completely ignore. If for some reason you read it, I hope you will find it to be a good match for Thirty Mile Zone …but that won’t happen, because I have absolutely ZERO professional writing experience. But, personally, I feel like I have made up for my lack of professional writing experience by professionally bitch-slapping the interweb over the past seven months with the dopest blog in the world.

Seriously, I am Chris Brown-ing the blogosphere.

Fear me.

I look forward to the possibility of wasting your time with an interview and subsequent facility visit. I love wearing a suit, meeting higher-ups, and lying about how qualified I am for a job...if only for an hour or so.

If you give me this job, I will rock the bitch like a video game. Trust that.Thank you for your time.


R.I.P. Tupac,

Todd (last name deleted for the purpose of anonymity) {AKA “Toddy Blog”}


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Please...like they are not going to hire this.


You’re welcome.


-Todd