This past Friday night, I went to a nearby Studio City, CA bar with some co-workers to have a night cap. Whist at the bar, a co-worker of mine was introducing me to some of his friends that came out to join us. During the introductions, my associate was capitalizing on every chance possible to make fun of the fact I was from Indiana.
Minutes later, Guns 'N' Roses came on the jukebox and that very same associate went into a spiel about how he loves GNR. I instantly threw it in everyone's collective face that Axl Rose is from Indiana. When he replied with "Yeah, and that's about it," I struck back with The Jackson 5 (Michael Freaking Jackson), Janet Jackson, John Mellencamp and Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds. Everyone kind of went quiet at that point, myself included. I mean, I have always known about these people being from Indiana, but I guess I had just never thought about all of them at one time. That is a pretty impressive list when you sit (or stand) and think about it. Everybody respects that list-as was exhibited by the impromptu moment of silence that came over our entire group in the middle of a raucous bar. You would have thought it was the 7th inning stretch and that some NYPD officer was singing “America The Beautiful” or something.
Quick, give me the names of five recording artists that epic from your home state (I’m talking born and raised people). Don’t worry, I’ll wait.
Admittedly, I rag on my home state of Indiana from time to time when it helps a joke come to life. It is different when people you don’t know are just ragging on your home state because of stereotypes. If they have visited and are making an informed observation, then I can at least respect that. But, you can’t knock a place solely based on what you have grown up hearing about it (unless it is Canada). Or, I guess you can, but I will just have to clap back at you.
In an effort to cast my home state in a positive light for once, I have compiled a list of extremely prominent people from Indiana that everyone (even Californians who have never visited Indiana) will recognize.
MUSIC
Michael Freaking Jackson – no descriptor needed.
The Jackson 5 - Classic. Classicly Classic.
Janet Jackson - Epic.
John Mellencamp - You know you sing his stuff. Let’s just be honest with one another.
Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds - Remember those songs you liked in the 80’s, 90’s and 2000’s? He wrote them. All of them.
Axl Rose - “Sweet Child Of Mine.” “November Rain.” HAVE SOME.
David Lee Roth - He started that whole “tight jeans” thing. Also a musician.
HOOP
Larry bird - The man.
John Wooden - The other man.
Oscar Robertson - Like Wilt Chamberlain, only with (I am guessing here) about 9,800 less sexual conquests.
Greg Oden - #1 overall pick in 2007 NBA draft.
Eric Gordon - The L.A. Clippers’ first-round draft pick last year.
Bonzi Wells - Moron, but he can ball.
Shawn Kemp - Bigger moron, but he could really take it to the hole. He also played basketball.
Zach Randolph - I held him to 13 points in 7th grade (I was 5’ 9,” he was already 6’ 5”).
THE PASTTIME
Don Mattingly - One of the most popular New York Yankees of all-time, and kind enough to pause for a picture with me at Disneyworld.
ENTERTAINERS
David Letterman – This is my dude right here.
Jane Pauley. Yup.
Steve McQueen. For serious.
Sydney Pollack. Seriously.
James Dean. Seriously, what?
Jenna Fischer. Best known for her work on an American television situation comedy called “The Office.”
Greg Kinnear. He is just so dang solid. Always playing the “unassuming guy” role and stealing the show while doing so. I love him because he is from Logansport, IN and because he does amazing work. I hate him because he kissed my girlfriend Tina Fey in “Baby Mama.” I love you Greg, but suck me.
?????????????
Jeff Gordon and Tony Stewart – I have no idea myself, but I am told these two are prominent Nascar drivers. I have no idea myself, but I am told “Nascar” has to do with “auto racing.” I have no idea myself, but I am told that “auto racing” involves “driving cars in a circle over and over again until the participants become too disinterested to continue and a winner is somehow declared.” Again, I have no idea.
Chuck Taylor – If this name doesn’t get plenty of Cali Love, then I cannot think of one that would. Everyone in The Fornia skates Chuck Teezies. Seriously, big up to Charlie Taylor. Recognize game in your face, bitches.
The Todd – The famous blogster, comedian, screenwriter, producer, DJ, rapper, songwriter, photographer, entrepreneur, fashion icon, trend setter, cheerleader prom dater and supermodel heartbreaker.
As the literate ones can see, a lot of talent has been grown and honed in Indiana. Respect due. Check yourselves before you wreck yourselves.
In conclusion…
MICHAEL FREAKING JACKSON.
Quick, give me the names of five recording artists that epic from your home state (I’m talking born and raised people). Don’t worry, I’ll wait.
Admittedly, I rag on my home state of Indiana from time to time when it helps a joke come to life. It is different when people you don’t know are just ragging on your home state because of stereotypes. If they have visited and are making an informed observation, then I can at least respect that. But, you can’t knock a place solely based on what you have grown up hearing about it (unless it is Canada). Or, I guess you can, but I will just have to clap back at you.
In an effort to cast my home state in a positive light for once, I have compiled a list of extremely prominent people from Indiana that everyone (even Californians who have never visited Indiana) will recognize.
MUSIC
Michael Freaking Jackson – no descriptor needed.
The Jackson 5 - Classic. Classicly Classic.
Janet Jackson - Epic.
John Mellencamp - You know you sing his stuff. Let’s just be honest with one another.
Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds - Remember those songs you liked in the 80’s, 90’s and 2000’s? He wrote them. All of them.
Axl Rose - “Sweet Child Of Mine.” “November Rain.” HAVE SOME.
David Lee Roth - He started that whole “tight jeans” thing. Also a musician.
HOOP
Larry bird - The man.
John Wooden - The other man.
Oscar Robertson - Like Wilt Chamberlain, only with (I am guessing here) about 9,800 less sexual conquests.
Greg Oden - #1 overall pick in 2007 NBA draft.
Eric Gordon - The L.A. Clippers’ first-round draft pick last year.
Bonzi Wells - Moron, but he can ball.
Shawn Kemp - Bigger moron, but he could really take it to the hole. He also played basketball.
Zach Randolph - I held him to 13 points in 7th grade (I was 5’ 9,” he was already 6’ 5”).
THE PASTTIME
Don Mattingly - One of the most popular New York Yankees of all-time, and kind enough to pause for a picture with me at Disneyworld.
ENTERTAINERS
David Letterman – This is my dude right here.
Jane Pauley. Yup.
Steve McQueen. For serious.
Sydney Pollack. Seriously.
James Dean. Seriously, what?
Jenna Fischer. Best known for her work on an American television situation comedy called “The Office.”
Greg Kinnear. He is just so dang solid. Always playing the “unassuming guy” role and stealing the show while doing so. I love him because he is from Logansport, IN and because he does amazing work. I hate him because he kissed my girlfriend Tina Fey in “Baby Mama.” I love you Greg, but suck me.
?????????????
Jeff Gordon and Tony Stewart – I have no idea myself, but I am told these two are prominent Nascar drivers. I have no idea myself, but I am told “Nascar” has to do with “auto racing.” I have no idea myself, but I am told that “auto racing” involves “driving cars in a circle over and over again until the participants become too disinterested to continue and a winner is somehow declared.” Again, I have no idea.
Chuck Taylor – If this name doesn’t get plenty of Cali Love, then I cannot think of one that would. Everyone in The Fornia skates Chuck Teezies. Seriously, big up to Charlie Taylor. Recognize game in your face, bitches.
The Todd – The famous blogster, comedian, screenwriter, producer, DJ, rapper, songwriter, photographer, entrepreneur, fashion icon, trend setter, cheerleader prom dater and supermodel heartbreaker.
As the literate ones can see, a lot of talent has been grown and honed in Indiana. Respect due. Check yourselves before you wreck yourselves.
In conclusion…
MICHAEL FREAKING JACKSON.
See you at "The Crossroads."
Larry Bird bitches,
You’re welcome.
-Todd
Larry Bird bitches,
You’re welcome.
-Todd
3 comments:
HAAAAAAAAAAA :)
I really think you should be published somewhere. This is classic.
And I agree that it is ok for us to rip on Indiana but no for others to do so. :)
P.S. So did you see Hillary Duff or not? I cannot figure it out!
Family-
This blog entry made me REALLY proud to be a Hoosier. Thanks for reminding me of all the greatness that came from Indiana. And I love the title. ;)
I think that everyone should be able to make fun of Gary Indiana as well without having visted it, because we all know its the armpit of the US.
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