Ready For The World.

I decided not to bore you kids with the typical “2008 wrap-up” article at the end of last year (you’re welcome). Almost everyone that writes any type of regular column has certain topics built into their yearly schedule, and the annual wrap-up tends to be one of them. Rather than follow, I bucked yet another trend.

The bad news is that in lieu of reviewing the past year, today I will instead be informing you all of my goals for the upcoming year. The good news is that I only have one goal.

My goal for 2009 is to start a cover band.

Sounds lame, right? Just wait.

I am so sick of the typical Elvis, The Beatles, Neil Diamond and 80’s cover outfits.

You have got to be snoring me.

I am taking it up a notch.

I am trying to start a Ready For The World cover band. This is a lot more funny when you realize what they look like, and then you cross that with the fact that I am 6’ 1”, 155 pounds and white (very).

I have no idea how I am going to fake a Jheri Curl, but therein lies much of the intrigue. The first article of business is to grow my hair out. I will deal with curling it when I get there.

There are other obvious obstacles as well. RFTW’s lead singer Melvin Riley has an incredibly high voice like an 11-year old boy. Meanwhile, my voice is extraordinarily low (like a 40-year old black dude who’s 6’8” and tipping the scales at over three bills). In addition, I cannot play guitar, bass, keys or drums. The only thing I really “play” is the turntable. That wouldn’t be authentic to RFTW, but maybe I could work it. I have to admit, it would be pretty dope to be a lead singer/DJ. I do not believe I have ever seen that. Screw it, we’re doing it.

RFTW stays in rotation on my iTod. They have club bangers AND baby makers. Those two things are all I look for when it comes to music.

Everyone knows RFTW’s “Oh Sheila” because it got a lot of run in the latter part of the 80’s. People also know that song because it is the only throwback RFTW that DJs still play in the clubs. I try not to hate, because I am just happy when a DJ acknowledges their greatness. But at the same time, can I get “Ceramic Girl” in the club every once in a while?

Seriously, looks these dudes up. They have a stable of hits. And, the songs you do not know are straight heaters too.

Almost daily I marvel at the phenomenon that is RFTW. The best way I can explain them is to think about what would have happened if Prince was the lead singer of The Isley Brothers in the 80’s and 90’s-and, in addition to slow joints, the Isley’s made pulsating up-tempo dance floor fire. Well, it happened, and it is called “Ready For The World.”

Do yourself a favor, go hit iTunes right now and grab “Ceramic Girl,” “Oh Sheila,” “Tonight,” “Slide Over” and “Love You Down.” Once you have listened to them all, try and convince me that during the course of the listening session you didn’t want to do four shots, dance your face off and then grab someone decent-looking and go half on a baby.

Now, don’t you want us to play your next event?

Exactly.

I mean, obviously no one is ever going to book us for anything (because as I understand it, you can get all six original members to perform at your event for less than the price of a decent coffee table), but that is not the point. The point is to honor one of my favorite groups in the world with the most sincere form of flattery.

As far as the band’s name goes, I am presently leaning toward either “Ready For The Girl” or “Ready For The Curled.” As always, suggestions are welcome. Feel free to drop those in the comment area or email them in.

Give me six months or so to get the auditions done and the team locked into place. After that, we should only need a few weeks of two-a-days to get the music right and the footwork tight. We should be ready to do shows by September. Part of me really wants to push to get this done earlier because, judging by Kanye’s current haircut, there is a very good chance he could be secretly plotting this very same thing.

Currently, I am my own booking agent on this-so for booking, I guess just hit me at WordsByTodd@Gmail.com


You are all about to be very welcome,


-Todd (AKA “Toddy Riley”)

[I was going to embed one of RFTW's YouTube videos here, but they have all had their embedding disabled by request. WTF Universal Motown???]